D.e.e.L's Writing and Subtle Outbursts of Insanity

"I write all day long, some kind of addiction I guess. Please don't send me to rehab." - D.e.e.L

Grandma Nina (You Choose the Adventure!)- Story #10 In the Hank Saga - By: D.e.e.L

“Hey, has anyone seen Nina lately?”

            “Nay, have you?”

            “She wasn’t in the stall.”

            “Was she in the race?”

            “No, not the tracks either.”

            “Wait…who’s Nina?”

            “Good Question.”

 

Do you know Nina?

Yes- Paragraph 1

No- Paragraph 2

Who’s Nina? – Paragraph 2

 

1: “Oh, I remember who Nina is, she’s the girl that’s been trapped in that toaster and won’t stop yelling about how delicious the toast is in there.”

            “In where?”

            “The Toaster.”

            “Which one?”

            “The one we don’t use even though we do sometimes but I still say that we do not because I have a way of thinking about things that does not correlate to the reality in which everyone else is thinking since I’m not them and therefore don’t know what they are thinking or why they are acting the way they are, do to the fact that I don’t ask because I’m living my own reality and they aren’t part of it, so what they think of me becomes an absent existence to who I really am.”

            “That was deep.”

            “Yea, I call that speech “The Deep Hole.”

            “Noice Bro.”

            “Word.”

            “How many words?”

            “Twelve.”

            “I don’t know twelve.”

            “What’s twelve?”

            “No clue.”

 

            Do you know twelve?

          Yes- Paragraph 3

          No- Paragraph 2

          Who’s Hank? – You’re reading the wrong story…

 

         

 

          2.

           “AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! What’s happening?!?!?”

            “We don’t know Nina and we don’t know tweeeeeeeeeelllllvvvveeeeeeeeeeee…..”

 

            “Where are we?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “Who are we?”

            “You don’t recognize me?”

            “Well, I didn’t in Dan’s Bruise, then we met again, then I forgot you again, so like, I don’t know how this works.”

            “Hank.”

            “Dan.”

            “Are we mad at each other?”

            “I think so. You still mad at Nina?”

 

            Is Hank still mad at Nina?

         

          Green- Paragraph 3

          Mango – Paragraph 1

 

 

          3.

 

          “Hank, you feeling okay?”

            “Yea, well…no…I ate a bad Mango.”

            “Was it someone’s name?”

            “No.”

            “Then why was it capitalized?”

            “It was a really great Mango.”

            “You look green, want to sit down for a bit?”

            “No, we need to find Nina, she owes me money for the van.”

            “I don’t know if she has any. She just came back from a trip to the city, and now is complaining she wants another trip…even though she just took one…while everyone else at Blue Spaghetti’s hasn’t taken a cool trip yet…and doesn’t complain.”

            “…women.”

            “I know right? So maybe she has ‘SECOND TRIP MONEY’.”

            “She owes me that money!”

            “Let’s find her!”

            “How long will it take to find her you think?”

            “I don’t know, depends how fast people can read. I’d say twelve minutes.”

            “Yes, twelve. I know twelve.”

            “We didn’t before though.”

            “Yes, but it’s paragraph 3 now, so we do.”

            “Oh, okay. Wanna hold hands?”

            “Only if we can skip!”

 

            All of a sudden a narrator breaks out from the sky with a voice that can’t be heard by Dan and Hank and doesn’t talk to them as I am talking to you now because I am the omniscient narrator that dwells beyond the story and tells an unbiased view upon things while manipulating the reader to think a certain way about each character even though you think you know what’s going on…you only know as much as I let you…you don’t know twelve.

 

          Does the narrator like Hamburgers?

 

          Maybe – Paragraph 4

          What wurgers? – Paragraph 7

 

          4.  I’m not sure how I feel about Hamburgers….hmmm…I’m going to go think about this. End of Story.

 

 

            7.  What wurgers? I’m trying to tell a story here!

 

            “My ankle! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

            “Why do you like A so much?!”

            “Because it’s a great letter…psssh…anyway let’s keep going.”

 

            They skip along the world of the toaster and wonder how much longer it will be until one of them needs to take a pee-break. The world of the toaster is very large and lacks butter, but the crunch is of a satisfying texture, so you don’t mind as you are reading this that the toast it slightly burnt.

 

            “What’s that in the sky?”

            “It looks like a torpedo!”

            “That torpedo is wearing a cheap suit!”

           

            “I’m SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPY!”

            “Hank…why did you just say that?”

            “I’m not really sure. Watch out for the torpedo!”

           

            BOOM! CRASH! KA-POW! Oh, my bad, I was playing with my action figures. The torpedo landed next to them and they realized that it wasn’t a torpedo at all, but actually a penguin named Slappy.

 

            “Hey, little guy. What’s your name?”

            “Gorwin.”

            “That name is terrible, I’ll call you Slappy.”

 

            Dan picked up Slappy and threw him over his shoulder where Dan landed in a trash can.

 

            “How did he do that?”

            “I think Slappy works out too.”

           

            Slappy flexed his pecks before jumping up into the sky really high so that he could slam into the ground somewhere else.

 

            “What’s that over there?”

            “That’s the ‘CASTLE OF THE ELDERS’.”

            “Sounds like a bunch of old people would hang out there.”

            “In this place a piece of bread can go from fresh to burned in only 3 minutes, so time is much faster.”

           

 

            “You think Nina could be in there?”

 

          Of course! – paragraph 8

          No! (The option Nina will pick) – Paragraph 9

          What wergers? – Paragraph 9

          Let’s go to outer space! – Paragraph Beep-Beep-Honk

 

          9.  “Nina, what are you doing in that hole?”

                        “I’m building an underground city for Ants and Uncles…duh.”

                        “Oh, okay. Well have fun with that!”

                        “Do you have any hamburgers?”      

                        “What Wurgers?”

                                    THE END.

            8.

                   “Of course I do! Let’s Go!”

           

            The two men kick the door down with their hands for some reason. Hank whips his half tail up into the air to almost possibly reach something that he could have reached if Nina hadn’t cut half of it off.

 

            “Oh yea, I’m also mad that she cut my tail.”

            “You shot laser beams at her, tried to tangle her up, trapped her in a toaster where she has probably become incredibly old.”

            “Van, tail, I win Bro.”

            “That’s straight, aight, Bro. Let’s get that ‘SECOND TRIP MONEY’.”

            “What wergers?”

            “What wergers?”

            “Wait…what wergers?”

            “Oh my gosh!!! It’s a pile of wergers!!!”

            “What wergers?”

            “Those ones left over where!”

            “These wergers are delicious!”

            “What wergers?”

            “These wergers!”

            “Oh yea, these wergers are great!”

 

            Alright, finally put an end to that hole werger thing where she is building an underground city for Ants and Uncles. So, it’s like…not for Aunts, it’s for Ants…and then Uncles of the Ants? Or, Uncles to people…that want to live with Ants? What wergers?

 

            “Is that a group of people playing tag over there?”

            “I don’t know, they’re doing it in slow-motion it looks like.”

            “I think they’re just so old that it looks like slow-motion.”

            “Yea, like slow-motion.”

            “Yuuuuuup, slooooooooooooooooow—-moooooooootioooooooon.”

            “Whaaaaaaaaaat iiiis haaaaaaappeeeeeeniiing tooooo uuuuuus.”

            “I don’t know, we were talking weird for a second. Anyway, let’s go play!”

            “Yea! High-Five!”

            “What? Do people still do that?”

            “I’m bringing it back! High-Five!”

            “YEA! High-Five!”

           

 

           

 

 

            Beep-Beep-Honk.

 

          “Ha ha ha! Outer space is so much fun!”

            “Wait…do you hear that?”

            “No…but I can listen to it loudly.”

            “Really? Because I can’t hear anything.”

            “Oh, I hear it alright. Smells like a French lizard from Mars.”

            “But, I thought we were on Twinkle 12.”

            “Where?”

            “Twinkle…ummmm…I don’t know 12.”

            “Twinkle Twelve sounds better.”

            “Don’t you mean looks better?”

            “No, I like the way it smells.”

            “The way 12 smells?”

            “I don’t know twelve.”

            “I didn’t say twelve, I said 12.”

            “Oh, well in that case, I don’t know twelve.”

            “Wait, did you say 12 or twelve?”

            “12ve.”

            “Oh, okay. I don’t know 12ve.”

            “We should really learn that someday.”

            “We did for a second in paragraph 3.”

            “Yea, I don’t remember paragraph 3.”

            “Noodles.”

            “You got some?”

            “No, I was just dreaming of noodles.”

            “Are we still in space?”

            “No, the rocket just landed.”

            “Should we go to paragraph 8?”

            “Let’s let the readers decide!”

            “YEA! GREAT IDEA!”

 

            Go back to paragraph 8 – Paragraph 10

          Dan is Cute – Paragraph “Awww…tee hee hee.”

 

          Awww…tee hee hee. You’re so honest.

 

           

 

 

 

10. 

          “Where are we? I don’t know, I feel like I’m missing some of the story line, as if I haven’t read something.”

            “Let’s go ask those old people who are playing tag in slow motion.”

            “Oh, okay, let’s go ask them.”

           

            The two men walk up to the four old men playing tag with the 3 old ladies and the 5ve cats.

 

            “There’s so many of them.”

            “Yea, I don’t even know how many.”

            “Hey!”

            “That’s not loud enough. HEEEEEEEY!!! OLD PEOPLE!!!!!”

            “Dude, they got be like mid-thirties, they will never hear us.”

            “Yea, damn.”

            “Wait…everything just got all magical sounding all of a sudden.”

            “Yea, Dan changed the playlist on his musical noise maker that he has headphones plugged into.”

            “But, isn’t Dan me?”

            “Yea, that’s why you can hear it.”

            “But, then how can you?”

            “I can’t.”

            “Oh, okay then. It sounds pretty relaxing.”

            “Yea, it’s ambient noise radio.”

            “Classy.”

            “You’re a classy guy.”

            “Awwww…tee hee hee. You’re so honest.”

           

            All of a sudden Hank sees something!

 

            “Hey! I smell something all of a sudden!”

 

            Damn….I’m so getting fired for this.

 

            “What is it?”

            “I think it’s Nina!”

            “She smells so old though.”

            “This place will do that to you. She’s probably 35 by now…so sad.”

            “Such a shame.”

            “Excuse me, mam.”

            “Why did you just call me mam?”

            “I was just practicing, so we don’t startle her when we go over there to talk to her.”

            “Good idea. Hello, young man. Those are some nice pantaloons you are wearing slightly below your waist.”

            “Oh thanks, I call them my pants. So, how are you?”

            “Oh, I’m fine. I’m just watching the neeeeeews. I want to know what the weather will be like this week, even though I’m never outside in the winter, or really care, I just like to feel informed.”

            “That sounds wonderful *cough* boring *cough*.”

            “That cough sounded terrible. I have some mint flavored hard candy that will fix you left up.”

            “Oh no, that’s okay. It was just a boring cough, happens when I’m around old wrinkly people.”

            “I understand. So do you want to play checkers?”

            “You mean like, on my cell phone?”

            “No, I mean on this board over here. It’s a fun board game.”

            “Oh, cool. Where are the controllers?”

            “Your hands are the controllers.”

            “Hmm, yea…already seen that…not as fun as it sounds, way too much work, I have to like stand, move a lot, I play video games to chill, not exercise, I’m in shape, so…the whole ‘Let’s get in shape while playing video games’ thing doesn’t really sound appealing to me.”

            “Oh, well you want to do black flips then?”

            “Hells yes I do. Black flips are the best way to get places.”

 

            Why, hello there sailors. I’m your new Narrator. My friends call me Buns, but since we’ve never met you can call me…

 

            What’s the Narrator’s name?

 

          Buns!!!! – Paragraph 1

          Mr. McMissestrudenhymer – Paragraph 11

          I don’t know – Paragraph 12

 

          12.

          Hmmm…I seem to have forgotten my own name. Could you perhaps help me to find out?

 

            Perhaps help him to find out?

                             Yes – Paragraph 11

                             No – Paragraph 12

11.

          …Mr. McMissestrudenhymer.

           

            “That’s a terrible name.”

           

            Wait, you can see me? You’re in the story, you’re not supposed to see me!

 

            “Oh, my bad. I meant to say, enough practicing Hank. Let’s go over there!”

            “On forth and on ward is what I always say!”

            “No you don’t. You never say that.”

            “I don’t?”

            “No, not at all.”

            “Oh…hmmm…you sure? I’m pretty sure I’ve smelled that phrase before…”

            “Well yea, you’ve smelled it, but you never say it.”

            “Curses.”

            “Did you just curse?”

            “No…”

            “I’m telling!!!!!!”

            “Oh! Please don’t!”

            “Then give me five bucks!”

            “All I have is four though.”

            “I want five deer…or else.”

            “Next story?”

            “Dan’s Five Bucks – Coming Soon.”

           

            The two men walk up to the woman they think to be a wrinkly older version of Nina and                                                              push her over

                        demanding she hand over the “SECOND TRIP MONEY”,

                                                 which she does, because it is Nina.